Three weeks ago, early on the morning of March 5th, a bright light went out in my life.
In the last few days, I have felt the urge to hear his voice and the sound of his laughter when he picked up the phone and after laughing would say, “what’s happenin, Little Mar?” I will miss the opportunity to hug him and hear another great story that only he could tell. I miss The fact that no matter what you were going through, you could share it with him and without fail, he could magically spin it, so that any circumstance, no matter how challenging, seemed like a great opportunity. I miss his unconditional love, his wisdom and the many trips we took together. No matter where we were, there was always a great story or a silly joke with the sole purpose of lifting a spirit or rousing a laugh.
Now three weeks later, the moments of sadness and emotional pain are peppered with occasional feelings of normalcy, as much as pain and peace can co exist. Emotions are raw and deep, yet lurking just beneath the surface needing only the words of a song, a remembered joke or the vision of his smile to set them off. The reminders are ubiquitous and the emotions run the gamut, ranging from a sense of peace that he is finally at rest in our Lord’s arms, to a wave of deep and profound sadness that threatens to take me under like a tidal wave. Just then, I think of his hopeful optimism and the way that he faced his trials with courage and grace, and only wish now to possess half of his tenacity and awesome spirit. He lived his life with the belief that your hopes and dreams need to be larger than your disappointments. I know he is never farther away than in my own heart now, and I know that love never dies but lives on eternally. It is the heart and soul and how much we love in this life that really matters in the end. He loved unconditionally and had a passion for life that was inspirational. This is a comfort to me, as is my faith.
The gift of Faith has truly been a great comfort, lifting me up at my darkest moments. Christ has taught us there would be pain and trials in this life but that death does not have the final word. He has overcome the world. We are victorious and triumphant through Him. He has placed friends in my life that have been earthly angels for this painful journey. I am grateful for this.
Now as time relentlessly marches on , it will be marked as the ‘time without my dad’, in my life or my children’s lives, this now in sharp contrast to the memories we now will forever hold so dear.
Thanks Dad, for being the first person to show me how to live and love. Your light will live on in my heart.
You are missed.